#wordsmatter – Change is Inevitable, Growth is Optional

Feeding Your Mind

A few months ago, I was in the airport and, as I always do, I people watch. Sometimes I simply watch and sometimes I engage in conversation. This particular day, our flight was delayed, and I was talking with a woman about where we were both going and was it business or pleasure. She was going to visit family and I was heading out to speak at a conference. In our conversation we talked about learning and growing in our positions and how as a coach I have at least one coach at all times. She looked at me as if I said something so bizarre, she didn’t understand it. She told me that she didn’t believe in coaching. Her boss did and had a coach, but not her. When I asked why, she told me that if you have a coach, you are expected to do more, learn more and know more and she was just fine where she was. I think I was the one with the look of disbelief because I truly believe that you must feed your mind with the right nutrition.

Every day we feed our bodies. We don’t always give it the right nutrition, but do we ever really consider that when we feed our bodies, we are also feeding our minds? Let’s start with our buddy the TV. Some use it as their source for world happenings, some use it for mindless ways to relax and some use it as baby-sitters, so they can get things done. The problem is that many people see what they watch as reality and compare themselves to who they are watching. Some disappear into another dimension. Many feel the news is negative and that is like eating fast food, lots of quantity but not as much quality in nutrition. Is your mind getting the proper nutrition from any of that?

Today many people listen to podcasts. There are many ways to learn and grow from those that share information that is current and relevant. Yes, you can still choose the mindless and the unrealistic, but more and more people are turning their TVs off and turning on podcasts. You have your choice of gender, generation, entrepreneurial, personal development and growing and learning. Is your mind getting the proper nutrition from that?

Knowledge is something you can never lose. When you invest in yourself you are investing into your future. You are never too old to learn. If you stop learning your brain starts dying. And if your brain is not kept alive and stimulated, life can become very boring and dull, and that is definitely not the proper nutrition you should feed your mind with.

Research has shown that the capacity of the average person’s brain vastly outweighs what they use it for. And yet, it never occurs to us to invest in a little training every now and then!

For 400 years, scientists believed that we were stuck with the brain we were born with. Luckily for us, that theory has gone out the window. Neuroplasticity is an amazing new theory that has proven one very incredible fact: Our brains can change.

This means that if you’re not highly intelligent in one area – that’s okay! You have the option to literally change that area of your brain through a little training.

An easy way to think about it is: Your brain is a muscle – you need to exercise it regularly! You need to invest a little time every now and then.

So, what can you do?

1. Be Curious-Instead of taking everything at face value, get into the habit of questioning everything. While most disclaimers would be placed right here that it is or isn’t safe to do this at home, be careful how many questions you ask. I am often met with “Another question?” If you don’t ask, you don’t know. Think of how you would or could improve upon everyday things. By being curious and questioning everything, you force your brain to innovate and create new ideas.

2. Exercise Regularly-It’s been proven that exercise helps to increase brain function. This means that every time you exercise you are creating new brain cells! Get off the couch and get moving! Your brain will thank you for it.

3. Do Something New– When you experience something “new,” you stimulate your brain. Don’t get stuck in a rut doing the same old things; the only way to change the structure of your brain is to try new things. What have you been wanting to try? …now is the time to do it and feed your brain.

4. Train Your Memory-Discipline yourself to memorize phone numbers and other important numbers. Do you ever listen to someone rattle off their license or credit card number and wonder how they remembered that? I still know my phone number from 1960. Your memory is also a muscle that needs training, and modern technology has made us lazy! Try doing the old math without a calculator as well. You’re in for a treat.

5. Think Positive-Stress and anxiety kills existing brain neurons and also stops new neurons from being created. Research has shown that positive thinking, especially in the future tense, speeds up the creation of cells and dramatically reduces stress and anxiety. Turn around some of your thoughts and turn the negative ones into positive ones. Your brain isn’t the only place you will see the results.

6. Eat Healthy-Our diets have a HUGE impact on brain function. Our brains consume over 20 percent of all nutrients and oxygen that we consume. So, remember to feed your brain with the good stuff! While we all like foods that are not the best for us, don’t forget the fresh fruits and vegetables with a little chocolate or wine on the side.

7. Read A Book-Reading relieves tension and stress because it’s a form of escapism. Research has also shown that using your imagination is a great way to train your brain, because you force your mind to picture what you are imagining. Reading is a great way to trigger your imagination and fuel your creative genius. What are you reading right now?

8 Get Enough Sleep-Sleep is like a mini detox for the brain. This is when your body regenerates cells and removes all the toxins that have built up during the day. Get to bed between the hours of 9 pm and midnight to benefit from the most effective hours of sleep. I’m so excited to report that I am asleep by 9:12 so I’m right there with feeding my brain every night.

Remember, you are the books you read, the movies you watch, the music you listen to, the people you spend time with, the conversations you engage in. Choose wisely what you feed your mind.

Happy Selling!

Judy www.sellinginaskirt.com

Enough Is Enough!

I would bet many of you have watch or were addicted to the Seinfeld show. It was truly based on nothing and yet it was so relevant. One of my favorite things that the cast did was say one word in an assortment of ways. For instance seriously. It could be seriously? As in a question or seriously as in a statement or a dozen other ways to say it all have different meanings. There is another one of those words that has so many different meanings, depending on how you say it or where it fits into a sentence. The word is ENOUGH…are you enough? I’ve had enough, enough already and so one. This one word plays a big role in our lives and sometimes it takes us back to the song “Enough Is Enough”…

So what does enough signify? One way to look at it is that it means no more will be tolerated. Another is being adequate – as much or as good as necessary for some requirement or purpose; fully sufficient, suitable, or fit. Or still another is used to express an impatient desire for the cessation of undesirable behavior or speech.

Let’s see what this all looks like. In business we find many women that are tired of working in an environment that either doesn’t match their values or doesn’t really want her opinion or expertise. She goes to work each day and puts on that professional smile and does her job. One day she goes in and something happens. It doesn’t have to be anything major but she says “ENOUGH…I’m done and out of here. What does she do?

First, go with the feeling but try and tone down the anger. You’ve been bubbling up for a while and now it’s your turn to do something for you.

Then quit worrying about what others may be thinking of you – this is YOUR life. You may have created this scenario in your head a hundred times so keep going and use your frustration to remind you of the great things ahead of you.

Next remember why you are doing what you’re doing. The constant internal battle you’ve had for months is just not worth it. You know it won’t be easy, but you know it will be worth it.

In reality, this is exactly what happened to me. I believe I had a cameo role in the “Mean Girls” movie, every single day. I had a plan in my head of what I was going to say to the President and every single day, there wasn’t the right time to say anything. Until that one day, when I didn’t expect it and he walked up to me and said “You wanted to talk to me”…I wasn’t sure what I was going to say, what anyone was going to think of me or what I was really going to do next. I just knew I had had enough and I blurted out I’m leaving and the rest is history.

How about enough of a relationship? That is also, unfortunately, very common. You are with someone, you think it’s going ok, you tolerate behavior that you probably shouldn’t or there is behavior that you aren’t aware of and BOOM it happens… “I’ve had enough” and before you know it, you are no longer together and trying to pick up the pieces. People think you’re crazy because he’s attractive or takes care of you financially or he’s intelligent. How can you just give up?

The truth is, it’s ok to give up. Sometimes you have to give up in order to allow new things to happen and start over. What may be waiting for you can be the most amazing thing or person, but you won’t know it if you don’t give up. Giving up has always been in the negative mind set but in reality, it doesn’t mean that you are weak. It means you are strong and smart and you can’t possibly move forward with an anchor around your neck. Chances on this person you are done with has been a repeat offender so why do you feel you owe your time to someone who will definitely do this over and over again? Sometimes the best thing for you is also the hardest…walking away.

Then there is also knowing when you’ve done enough and need to end a business. Here is this dream that you created…your baby. Try as you might, it isn’t working or working enough for you. Burn-out is showing up and you don’t know what to do. Here are some signs that burn-out is getting too close for comfort:

You don’t feel creative
Your customers are annoying you
You’re not motivated
You don’t see your dream in front of you any longer
You don’t like talking about your business with anyone

There is also having enough. How do you know when you have enough? That answer is different for everyone. Is it money or investments or real estate or cars or…well you can fill in the blank. When trying to determine if you have enough, ask yourself these two questions: How much money buys happiness? If you’ve already won the game, why are you still playing? Interesting isn’t it?

Finally my all-time favorite and one that most women will agree with… “Am I Enough?” That can be young enough, old enough, pretty enough, smart enough, thin enough, tall enough, short enough, famous enough or almost any description you want to put in there. When did this happen that we question ourselves? When do you outgrow it? It probably began when we were toddlers when we weren’t big enough to hold our own spoon or we weren’t tall enough to go on a ride…as simple and as harmless as that was…well we’ve created our own monsters in the form of self-doubt. Those voices in our head that reminds us that we are not enough are sometimes too loud to overlook. But here are a few ideas to remind you that you are not only enough, you are more than enough. ~What have you done today that you can celebrate? No matter how silly or little it is, celebrate. I go back to when I had my first child and I was going to be the best mom in the world. My house was going to be spotless, my daughter dressed in the cutest outfits and I would be put together like all the moms on TV. Well…that lasted a day or so. My house was clean but not spotless, my daughter cute but in her onesie and me…well my hair was in a pony-tail and I was fortunate if my shirt was clean. But my daughter was hugged and loved and healthy…understand?

~Who are you comparing yourself to and more importantly why? I would look around and think why aren’t I as put together as she was or why didn’t I have all the newest gadgets around and why wasn’t I as smart or whatever I was feeling at the moment. Well guess what? I’m not them and they are not me. I started to realize that I was pretty awesome and I didn’t need to be someone I’m not.

~Get rid of the-if and then. We need to get rid of that because there is no if and then when you love yourself. In order to know you are enough, you have to believe it and that means no conditions. If only I could lose those last 5 pounds then I would look great. Really? I think I looked really great and if I never lost the 5 pounds, I would still look great and if I did, I would still look great. Having conditions is the invitation to allowing “enough” into your head.

Remember, there is a difference between giving up, and knowing when you have had enough. Perhaps when you thought you weren’t good enough the truth was that you were overqualified…

Happy Selling!

Judy Hoberman www.sellinginaskirt.com

Words Matter

Whether you are in elementary school, in business or in your real-life setting, you need to be aware of the words you use because words can be powerful and that is what we will talk about today…how words matter.

“Words are singularly the most powerful force available to humanity. Words have energy and power with the ability to help, to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to humiliate and to humble.”

Words do matter in every situation. If you are what you eat, then are you what you say as well? Let’s think about our children and if you don’t have children, think about yourself as a child. If you are told how incredibly amazing and intelligent you are, you would feel great and after a while you would start to believe it. Now let’s flip the switch. Imagine being told you are stupid and will never amount to anything because you are a loser. Flash forward a short while later and where might this scenario take this child? Even think about something so harmless as you’re too little to do that or you aren’t tall old enough or even you are not ready to learn that. Every single word that we hear can tear us down or build us up. So which camp will you choose to be a part of?

It’s the combination of the words, how we use them and how our minds wrap themselves around them. Whether you say things out loud or have them running through your head, we can make the choice whether to take the positive or negative path. Our words do matter.

Let’s see some ways to use words in a powerful and positive way.

1. Practice Compliments-This is something I do every single day. I give someone that I don’t know a compliment. You will never know what you have done for that person that day in that moment. Don’t give the compliment and wait for one in return. You might get one or you might not. The point is giving one will make you both feel great.

2. Practice positive affirmations-I know this sounds weird to do but remember, you are the one that is listening to that self-chatter. Instead of thinking this dress makes me look fat, how about thinking how great this color is on you or how confident this makes you feel. Instead of thinking you are not smart enough to do the presentation, change it to that you are going to share some incredible information with your colleagues that can help them with their jobs. It’s a change in your mindset and a rewind of the tapes in your head. If you can’t come up with anything positive immediately, make a list of positive quotes and put them all around you and practice saying them out loud. You’ll get the hang of it…and your mind will be waiting to hear them.

3. Think before you speak-We all come into situations that can change our attitudes in a blink. Before you say something and react to that, think, breathe and decide how you can respond without being so reactive. Don’t think for one minute I am saying to ignore what is said. I’m saying to think carefully about what the message is you want to convey and do it professionally and intelligently. This is where learning new words can come in handy.

4. If you have done something that is wrong, learn to apologize. Own your mistake and understand how your words may have made a negative impact on someone or something. Don’t say you are sorry for the weather or something you have no control over. That is a different conversation for later. Apologizing when you mean it is very powerful and again…words matter.

5. Remember what you are grateful for. We all have so many things to be thankful for…and not only in November, our Thanksgiving month. I’ve noticed that people have forgotten how to say thank you. Two tiny little words that when said, can mean the world to someone else. Change your mindset, change your world. How about doing that for someone else?

As Dave Hedges said, “The words you speak are powerful. They can mend a broken heart and help repair a shattered mind. They can also destroy a person’s confidence and make people feel worthless. Choose your words carefully.”

Remember, words are free. It’s how you use them that might cost you.

Happy Selling!

Judy Hoberman www.sellinginaskirt.com