Tag: #success

Enough Is Enough!

I would bet many of you have watch or were addicted to the Seinfeld show.  It was truly based on nothing and yet it was so relevant.  One of my favorite things that the cast did was say one word in an assortment of ways.  For instance seriously. It could be seriously? As in a question or seriously as in a statement or a dozen other ways to say it all have different meanings. There is another one of those words that has so many different meanings, depending on how you say it or where it fits into a sentence.  The word is ENOUGH…are you enough? I’ve had enough, enough already and so one. This one word plays a big role in our lives and sometimes it takes us back to the song “Enough Is Enough”…

So what does enough signify? One way to look at it is that it means no more will be tolerated. Another is being adequate – as much or as good as necessary for some requirement or purpose; fully sufficient, suitable, or fit. Or still another is used to express an impatient desire for the cessation of undesirable behavior or speech.

Let’s see what this all looks like.  In business we find many women that are tired of working in an environment that either doesn’t match their values or doesn’t really want her opinion or expertise.  She goes to work each day and puts on that professional smile and does her job.  One day she goes in and something happens.  It doesn’t have to be anything major but she says “ENOUGH…I’m done and out of here. What does she do?

First, go with the feeling but try and tone down the anger.  You’ve been bubbling up for a while and now it’s your turn to do something for you.

Then quit worrying about what others may be thinking of you – this is YOUR life. You may have created this scenario in your head a hundred times so keep going and use your frustration to remind you of the great things ahead of you.

Next remember why you are doing what you’re doing.  The constant internal battle you’ve had for months is just not worth it. You know it won’t be easy, but you know it will be worth it.

In reality, this is exactly what happened to me.  I believe I had a cameo role in the “Mean Girls” movie, every single day.  I had a plan in my head of what I was going to say to the President and every single day, there wasn’t the right time to say anything.  Until that one day, when I didn’t expect it and he walked up to me and said “You wanted to talk to me”…I wasn’t sure what I was going to say, what anyone was going to think of me or what I was really going to do next.  I just knew I had had enough and I blurted out I’m leaving and the rest is history.

How about enough of a relationship?  That is also, unfortunately, very common.  You are with someone, you think it’s going ok, you tolerate behavior that you probably shouldn’t or there is behavior that you aren’t aware of and BOOM it happens… “I’ve had enough” and before you know it, you are no longer together and trying to pick up the pieces. People think you’re crazy because he’s attractive or takes care of you financially or he’s intelligent. How can you just give up? 

The truth is, it’s ok to give up. Sometimes you have to give up in order to allow new things to happen and start over.  What may be waiting for you can be the most amazing thing or person, but you won’t know it if you don’t give up.  Giving up has always been in the negative mind set but in reality, it doesn’t mean that you are weak.  It means you are strong and smart and you can’t possibly move forward with an anchor around your neck. Chances on this person you are done with has been a repeat offender so why do you feel you owe your time to someone who will definitely do this over and over again? Sometimes the best thing for you is also the hardest…walking away.

Then there is also knowing when you’ve done enough and need to end a business.  Here is this dream that you created…your baby.  Try as you might, it isn’t working or working enough for you. Burn-out is showing up and you don’t know what to do.  Here are some signs that burn-out is getting too close for comfort:

  1. You don’t feel creative
  2. Your customers are annoying you
  3. You’re not motivated
  4. You don’t see your dream in front of you any longer
  5. You don’t like talking about your business with anyone

There is also having enough.  How do you know when you have enough? That answer is different for everyone.  Is it money or investments or real estate or cars or…well you can fill in the blank. When trying to determine if you have enough, ask yourself these two questions: How much money buys happiness? If you’ve already won the game, why are you still playing? Interesting isn’t it?

Finally my all-time favorite and one that most women will agree with… “Am I Enough?” That can be young enough, old enough, pretty enough, smart enough, thin enough, tall enough, short enough, famous enough or almost any description you want to put in there.  When did this happen that we question ourselves?  When do you outgrow it?  It probably began when we were toddlers when we weren’t big enough to hold our own spoon or we weren’t tall enough to go on a ride…as simple and as harmless as that was…well we’ve created our own monsters in the form of self-doubt.  Those voices in our head that reminds us that we are not enough are sometimes too loud to overlook.  But here are a few ideas to remind you that you are not only enough, you are more than enough. ~What have you done today that you can celebrate? No matter how silly or little it is, celebrate. I go back to when I had my first child and I was going to be the best mom in the world.  My house was going to be spotless, my daughter dressed in the cutest outfits and I would be put together like all the moms on TV.  Well…that lasted a day or so.  My house was clean but not spotless, my daughter cute but in her onesie and me…well my hair was in a pony-tail and I was fortunate if my shirt was clean.  But my daughter was hugged and loved and healthy…understand?

~Who are you comparing yourself to and more importantly why? I would look around and think why aren’t I as put together as she was or why didn’t I have all the newest gadgets around and why wasn’t I as smart or whatever I was feeling at the moment.  Well guess what? I’m not them and they are not me.  I started to realize that I was pretty awesome and I didn’t need to be someone I’m not.

~Get rid of the-if and then.  We need to get rid of that because there is no if and then when you love yourself.  In order to know you are enough, you have to believe it and that means no conditions. If only I could lose those last 5 pounds then I would look great.  Really?  I think I looked really great and if I never lost the 5 pounds, I would still look great and if I did, I would still look great.  Having conditions is the invitation to allowing “enough” into your head.

Remember, there is a difference between giving up, and knowing when you have had enough. Perhaps when you thought you weren’t good enough the truth was that you were overqualified…

Happy Selling!

Judy Hoberman www.sellinginaskirt.com

Do You Have What It Takes??

When we were kids playing outside, we would come up with all sorts of games.  Some involved running, some involved flying through the air on swings, and some involved balls to hit, throw or kick.  We were on teams and figured out who would do what and where. There always seemed to be one person who directed or suggested or moved us along and we knew that was the leader…at least for that moment.

When you think about it, we were exposed to leadership early on with “Simon Says”…one person would make a move or do something and say “Simon Says touch your toes”…and we all did. Eventually we all had a chance to be Simon and maybe some of us took it to another level by suggesting we do something tough that was in our own area of expertise like standing on one foot while you twirled around and threw a ball in the air that you had to catch behind you.  That could have eliminated many of the participants while at the same time we would all say WOW that’s pretty cool. And a leader was created.

Now, I want you to use your imagination and visualize the birth of a leader and a movement.  I was watching a video called “Leadership From A Dancing Guy” where an entire movement was created in less than 3 minutes.  It’s one of the best videos on leadership and I thought a perfect example to share. Close your eyes and imagine you are at a music festival. There is a song blaring over the loudspeakers and people are sitting on the grass enjoying the weather, the music and each other.  Out of nowhere comes a young man who is dubbed “The Shirtless Dancing Guy” and he starts dancing…by himself.  Just dancing away and having a blast. What happens next is amazing. This is part of the official transcript of the video so listen for what’s happening as well as the lessons:

“A leader needs the guts to stand alone and look ridiculous. But what he’s doing is so simple, it’s almost instructional. This is key. You must be easy to follow!

Now comes the first follower with a crucial role: he publicly shows everyone how to follow. Notice the leader embraces him as an equal, so it’s not about the leader anymore – it’s about them, plural. Notice he’s calling to his friends to join in. It takes guts to be a first follower! You stand out and brave ridicule, yourself. Being a first follower is an under-appreciated form of leadership. The first follower transforms a lone nut into a leader.

The 2nd follower is a turning point: its proof the first has done well. Now it’s not a lone nut, and it’s not two nuts. Three is a crowd and a crowd is news.

A movement must be public. Make sure outsiders see more than just the leader. Everyone needs to see the followers because new followers emulate followers – not the leader.

Now here come 2 more, then 3 more. Now we’ve got momentum. This is the tipping point! Now we’ve got a movement!

As more people jump in, it’s no longer risky. If they were on the fence before, there’s no reason not to join now. They won’t be ridiculed, they won’t stand out, and they will be part of the in-crowd, if they hurry.”

Ok now open your eyes. Can you see how leadership can be created? Whether it’s Simon Says or The Dancing Guys, leaders can be anyone who takes the lead and runs with it.

Let me share some top qualities of a successful leader:

1. The successful leader has a vision: Where are you now, where do you want to be and how are you going to get there. You want to make sure your vision is crystal clear and easy to follow.

2. The successful leader communicates well: Now that you have a vision, you need to share that with others so that the communication lines are open. Make the vision short, sweet and to the point but make the lines of communication open and accessible.

3. The successful leader is supportive: Find out what your team and partners are reaching for and help them find a way to begin that journey to achieve their goals. If someone needs more support offer it.  If someone needs more support and doesn’t want it, help them to find another position they might be better suited for. Be a role model that others can look up to.

4. The successful leader believes in his/herself: As a leader your confidence is what others are attracted to.  They will grow from your mistakes as well as soar from your attitude. Admit when you don’t know something or that you have made a mistake instead of blaming others. When a situation involves others, put your defensive attitude away and listen to those involved.  They will tell you what you need to hear so that you can turn around a negative situation. Be proactive rather than reactive.

5. The successful leader creates an environment of motivation and productivity: While we sometimes “assume” we know what others want and need; your best option is to ask. Ask what motivates others.  You’ll be surprised when money doesn’t show up in the conversation.  Ask where they want to be in another year.  Don’t be surprised when someone says they want your position. Ask what’s important to them.  You won’t be surprised when family is at the top of the list. Ask questions and they will know you are interested in what they are doing as well as who they are. Ask, ask, ask and then listen.

Let them share with you what is a challenge and what is a triumph.  Offer positive feedback and let them know some of the same struggles you might have experienced and how you overcame those.  Celebrate with them when they reach a milestone. Let them take credit for a job well done, a project completed on or before the deadline or an idea that had an amazing result.

Remember the dancing man. It was the first follower that transformed a lone nut into a leader. When you find a lone nut doing something great, have the guts to be the first person to stand up and join in.

As John Maxwell said, “A good leader is a person who takes a little more of his share of the blame and a little less than his share of the credit.”

Happy Selling!

Judy Hoberman http://www.sellinginaskirt.com