Tag: #limitingbeliefs

Seeking Help Is Empowering!

Asking for help means you aren’t smart enough to do something yourself.  Asking for help means that you are weak. Asking for help means you are in the wrong position in business.  Have you heard any of those statements before? They seem to follow us generation after generation and decade after decade. It’s time to put a new spin on an old tape… seeking help is empowering.

Whether you are an entrepreneur or starting a new position or recently got promoted, you find there is one thing that rings true…it can be lonely. When you’re in sales, and we all are, it goes one step further because unless you are in front of someone, your emotions go from being on to being…alone. I can remember a full day of appointments and I would be in my car rocking out to some great music and then I was “on” for the first appointment.  Back into my car and while the music was still playing, I was listening and humming a bit.  Into my next appointment and back “on” …back in my car and…well you get it. You try and fill the empty moments with music or news but in reality, you feel lonely…and it doesn’t matter if you have sold or not, it’s still a lonely profession. Having no one to bounce ideas off in that new role…equally as lonely.

Now imagine you have someone you can reach out to and ask for help or ideas to get you to the next level.  Wouldn’t that be great? But…if you did do that, would that person feel like you weren’t sure about what you were doing or that you couldn’t make decisions yourself? Weren’t you told to “fake it till you make it?” Would people think less of you if you showed that you might need their expertise or experience? See how that creeps back into your brain?  Asking for help and support is such an easy thing, until it’s not.

What are some reasons why you should ask for help?

1. Wouldn’t it be great if simply by asking for help you are creating brand awareness? When you let others know what you are doing, they are getting to know you and what you do. If you have a great reputation and what you are doing brings value to others, it would only make sense that they would think of you when someone needs what you have to offer. If you don’t ask, the answer is always “NO” …

2. That was good for your brand.  Now, what about building your network. By reaching out to others and getting to know them and letting them get to know you, your network is also growing. No matter where you are in your career, you need a solid network.

3. What about growing your business? When you ask for help and check your ego at the door, people will help you. Those that don’t, you have that magic word NEXT.  Those that do become part of your network, are strategic partners to help grow your business and can become that confidante that you need to feel comfortable enough to share your thoughts with.  Win-win-win…

Those are some basic reasons why you should ask for help. But when is a good time or the right time to ask for help? I’m sure the first thing you thought of is when you are in trouble. You’re not making money or have no clients or when everything seems to be going wrong. While those are good times to ask…you also need the courage to do that. You can also ask for help when things are going great and you want to get to the next level.  It doesn’t always need to be during the gloom and doom you might be experiencing.  Here are some other times when asking for help makes sense:

~When you are just starting out ~When you are entering into a new market ~When you want to grow your audience ~When you are looking for a strategic partner ~When you want a promotion

The bottom line is you can always ask for help. It may take a few times to feel comfortable, but always remember that one of the habits of successful people is that they do ask for help. There are some great reasons to ask for help.  Sooner or later everyone will need to ask for it and then be open to receiving it as well.

1. At some point you will have to do it. It doesn’t matter if you have all the money in the world or have zero, there will come a time when you will have to ask someone for their help. If you aren’t good at it, start small and practice.

2. You won’t be the only one that benefits from the request.  When you share your expertise with someone else, how does that make you feel?  Pretty good when you see their reaction and hear their gratitude.  It will be the same for you and the person you help.  I always say that when you become a mentor, you learn just as much if not more than your mentee.  This is no different.

3. Have you heard the phrase, “walking in their shoes”…If you’ve asked for help and received it and now you have been asked to give help, you will know what it felt like for that person to ask you and how difficult that might have been…who is the winner now?

4. If you never ask for help, do people think you have it going on…even if you don’t? Most of us will struggle now and then and people expect us to be human. You can’t always be perfect and that is too difficult and boring anyway. Here’s an example…when I was taking my insurance exam, there were no classes to take and we didn’t have a computer to do anything online.  My children asked if I needed help and of course I declined after thanking them for the offer. I failed the test by 1 point and my daughter’s comment was “Thank goodness you’re human” …need I say more?

5. When you ask and offer help it creates connections and relationships.  When you need something, these are already in place with people ready to support you. Don’t wait until you are struggling to ask for help.  Don’t celebrate your successes being lonely. Asking for help gives you a reason to be a part of groups, colleagues and friends.  It can be very lonely as an entrepreneur or being in a new position…I think I started with that statement.

Remember…“There is no lack of knowledge out there…just a short of asking for help!”

Happy Selling!

Judy Hoberman www.sellinginaskirt.com

The Barriers We Create In Our Minds

Think about this… I was planning on putting on a telesummit with 25 other women.  I had hand-selected them, had the email invitation to them and was excited to be organizing and facilitating it….until that word creeped into my brain….I’m not big enough or famous enough or smart enough…I even threw in tall enough and told my husband I was cancelling it before I even got started.  He asked me why and I gave him my spiel of the “enough” nonsense.  He looked at me and said, very calmly and lovingly… “Are you nuts?” He continued with “People want to be around you. They trust you and admire you.  They respect who you are and how you are in it for them. Don’t let them down.”  What do you say to that?  I said I would give it until 6:00 and if I have any second thoughts, I’m cancelling it.  So, at 1 minute to 6, I hit send on 25 emails and turned my computer off…. totally.  I couldn’t bear people telling me no and called it a night.  12 hours later, at 6am, I turned my computer on and 24 of the 25 said yes, absolutely, thank you for asking me, honored…. on and on and on. I looked for the 25th and an hour later it also came in with a big yes…she was in Australia and the time difference was the only reason it was late.  I share this story often because no matter who you are, what you represent or why you do what you do….“enough” will creep in and you have to do everything to chase it away…it’s all about those barriers that we have in our minds…are they real or not?

The telesummit was a huge success. The women, the information, the value was such a winning combination. I had created a barrier that could have cancelled everything great and left me with the “oh woe is me syndrome.”  You see I had created barriers that were bigger than my goals and already had the scenario playing out of what would happen if I had decided to go through with this crazy plan. I decided that the only way I was going to use that word enough was to convince myself that enough was clearly enough. All the results I knew in my mind that were going to happen, didn’t and that is usually what happens. We are so sure that whatever we want to do won’t happen in a positive way that we can visualize failure and smell it before it even has a moment to be created. Why do we do that?

There are several things that cause us to lose our confidence and feel like the barriers are closing in.  Here are just a few:

  1. Age-Many times we let our age define us.  Whether we are too young or too old. Sometimes we tell ourselves that and sometimes others tell us what we should and shouldn’t do.  If you want to break down some of those barriers, don’t listen to them.
  2. What Other People Think-No matter what we tell ourselves, we still compare ourselves to others. That is really a waste of time and energy. Why compare yourself to those on social media since they are showing only what they want you to see? Where is that being authentic? Feel good about what you are doing, what you have already done and what you are planning to do. Don’t let anyone take that away from you.
  • Toxic People-Who are you surrounding yourself with? Are they people that you trust and admire? Will they support you to reach your goals? Or…are they energy vampires? I make it a point to release all toxic people from my life. I don’t lose them because they can be found.  I release them so they don’t return.
  • Fear-As I mentioned, we have great imaginations and we tend to create an entire volume of stories that can happen to us…Fortunately they don’t.  Fear is a choice. I encourage my clients to step into the unknown and I always ask, “What’s the worst that can happen?” and follow that up with, “What’s the best that can happen?”
  • Are you living in the past or hoping for the future? We all know that the past is the past and it can’t be changed. However, when you concentrate on the future, you do have the ability to make it something that you are excited to reach…but it’s still not here right now. Being in the present and living in the present let’s others know that you are ready for the opportunities that are in front of you and that you are taking the present for what it is…a gift.

Do you see yourself creating barriers from any of the reasons I mentioned?  Time to talk it out with a coach or mentor or someone you trust and flip your mindset to the positive side, so those barriers are taken down, not built up. The truth is most people are not willing to disregard some of the feelings they have and do what needs to be done to eliminate the barriers. It’s time to understand that when you break through the barriers once, you will realize it was never as bad as you thought it would be.  When your “Why” is strong enough, you will be willing to do the “How” …

Think of it this way…Start Small-We have to practice to get it right. If you’re in sports or play an instrument or anything that you want to become the expert in, you have to practice. You start small and work your way up. The more often you face that barrier and confront it, the more successful you will be and the next time it shows up, you’ll be able to walk right through it.

Then…Trust Yourself-What will it take for you to stop worrying about what others think or what their opinion of you is? When you start to trust yourself, your potential is unlimited. No matter how successful we are, we still second guess ourselves. When I was at a conference, a Queen was in the audience and she told me that every time she has to make a decision that will affect someone’s life, she second guesses herself, so consider yourself in great company. Take time to learn the lessons that life throws your way. These lessons will be critical to your success as you make progress along your journey toward your goals.

Arthur C. Clarke said, “The limits of the possible can only be defined by going beyond them into the impossible.”

Happy Selling!

Judy Hoberman http://www.sellinginaskirt.com