Tag: #enough

Enough Is Enough!

I would bet many of you have watch or were addicted to the Seinfeld show.  It was truly based on nothing and yet it was so relevant.  One of my favorite things that the cast did was say one word in an assortment of ways.  For instance seriously. It could be seriously? As in a question or seriously as in a statement or a dozen other ways to say it all have different meanings. There is another one of those words that has so many different meanings, depending on how you say it or where it fits into a sentence.  The word is ENOUGH…are you enough? I’ve had enough, enough already and so one. This one word plays a big role in our lives and sometimes it takes us back to the song “Enough Is Enough”…

So what does enough signify? One way to look at it is that it means no more will be tolerated. Another is being adequate – as much or as good as necessary for some requirement or purpose; fully sufficient, suitable, or fit. Or still another is used to express an impatient desire for the cessation of undesirable behavior or speech.

Let’s see what this all looks like.  In business we find many women that are tired of working in an environment that either doesn’t match their values or doesn’t really want her opinion or expertise.  She goes to work each day and puts on that professional smile and does her job.  One day she goes in and something happens.  It doesn’t have to be anything major but she says “ENOUGH…I’m done and out of here. What does she do?

First, go with the feeling but try and tone down the anger.  You’ve been bubbling up for a while and now it’s your turn to do something for you.

Then quit worrying about what others may be thinking of you – this is YOUR life. You may have created this scenario in your head a hundred times so keep going and use your frustration to remind you of the great things ahead of you.

Next remember why you are doing what you’re doing.  The constant internal battle you’ve had for months is just not worth it. You know it won’t be easy, but you know it will be worth it.

In reality, this is exactly what happened to me.  I believe I had a cameo role in the “Mean Girls” movie, every single day.  I had a plan in my head of what I was going to say to the President and every single day, there wasn’t the right time to say anything.  Until that one day, when I didn’t expect it and he walked up to me and said “You wanted to talk to me”…I wasn’t sure what I was going to say, what anyone was going to think of me or what I was really going to do next.  I just knew I had had enough and I blurted out I’m leaving and the rest is history.

How about enough of a relationship?  That is also, unfortunately, very common.  You are with someone, you think it’s going ok, you tolerate behavior that you probably shouldn’t or there is behavior that you aren’t aware of and BOOM it happens… “I’ve had enough” and before you know it, you are no longer together and trying to pick up the pieces. People think you’re crazy because he’s attractive or takes care of you financially or he’s intelligent. How can you just give up? 

The truth is, it’s ok to give up. Sometimes you have to give up in order to allow new things to happen and start over.  What may be waiting for you can be the most amazing thing or person, but you won’t know it if you don’t give up.  Giving up has always been in the negative mind set but in reality, it doesn’t mean that you are weak.  It means you are strong and smart and you can’t possibly move forward with an anchor around your neck. Chances on this person you are done with has been a repeat offender so why do you feel you owe your time to someone who will definitely do this over and over again? Sometimes the best thing for you is also the hardest…walking away.

Then there is also knowing when you’ve done enough and need to end a business.  Here is this dream that you created…your baby.  Try as you might, it isn’t working or working enough for you. Burn-out is showing up and you don’t know what to do.  Here are some signs that burn-out is getting too close for comfort:

  1. You don’t feel creative
  2. Your customers are annoying you
  3. You’re not motivated
  4. You don’t see your dream in front of you any longer
  5. You don’t like talking about your business with anyone

There is also having enough.  How do you know when you have enough? That answer is different for everyone.  Is it money or investments or real estate or cars or…well you can fill in the blank. When trying to determine if you have enough, ask yourself these two questions: How much money buys happiness? If you’ve already won the game, why are you still playing? Interesting isn’t it?

Finally my all-time favorite and one that most women will agree with… “Am I Enough?” That can be young enough, old enough, pretty enough, smart enough, thin enough, tall enough, short enough, famous enough or almost any description you want to put in there.  When did this happen that we question ourselves?  When do you outgrow it?  It probably began when we were toddlers when we weren’t big enough to hold our own spoon or we weren’t tall enough to go on a ride…as simple and as harmless as that was…well we’ve created our own monsters in the form of self-doubt.  Those voices in our head that reminds us that we are not enough are sometimes too loud to overlook.  But here are a few ideas to remind you that you are not only enough, you are more than enough. ~What have you done today that you can celebrate? No matter how silly or little it is, celebrate. I go back to when I had my first child and I was going to be the best mom in the world.  My house was going to be spotless, my daughter dressed in the cutest outfits and I would be put together like all the moms on TV.  Well…that lasted a day or so.  My house was clean but not spotless, my daughter cute but in her onesie and me…well my hair was in a pony-tail and I was fortunate if my shirt was clean.  But my daughter was hugged and loved and healthy…understand?

~Who are you comparing yourself to and more importantly why? I would look around and think why aren’t I as put together as she was or why didn’t I have all the newest gadgets around and why wasn’t I as smart or whatever I was feeling at the moment.  Well guess what? I’m not them and they are not me.  I started to realize that I was pretty awesome and I didn’t need to be someone I’m not.

~Get rid of the-if and then.  We need to get rid of that because there is no if and then when you love yourself.  In order to know you are enough, you have to believe it and that means no conditions. If only I could lose those last 5 pounds then I would look great.  Really?  I think I looked really great and if I never lost the 5 pounds, I would still look great and if I did, I would still look great.  Having conditions is the invitation to allowing “enough” into your head.

Remember, there is a difference between giving up, and knowing when you have had enough. Perhaps when you thought you weren’t good enough the truth was that you were overqualified…

Happy Selling!

Judy Hoberman www.sellinginaskirt.com

Seeking Help Is Empowering!

Asking for help means you aren’t smart enough to do something yourself.  Asking for help means that you are weak. Asking for help means you are in the wrong position in business.  Have you heard any of those statements before? They seem to follow us generation after generation and decade after decade. It’s time to put a new spin on an old tape… seeking help is empowering.

Whether you are an entrepreneur or starting a new position or recently got promoted, you find there is one thing that rings true…it can be lonely. When you’re in sales, and we all are, it goes one step further because unless you are in front of someone, your emotions go from being on to being…alone. I can remember a full day of appointments and I would be in my car rocking out to some great music and then I was “on” for the first appointment.  Back into my car and while the music was still playing, I was listening and humming a bit.  Into my next appointment and back “on” …back in my car and…well you get it. You try and fill the empty moments with music or news but in reality, you feel lonely…and it doesn’t matter if you have sold or not, it’s still a lonely profession. Having no one to bounce ideas off in that new role…equally as lonely.

Now imagine you have someone you can reach out to and ask for help or ideas to get you to the next level.  Wouldn’t that be great? But…if you did do that, would that person feel like you weren’t sure about what you were doing or that you couldn’t make decisions yourself? Weren’t you told to “fake it till you make it?” Would people think less of you if you showed that you might need their expertise or experience? See how that creeps back into your brain?  Asking for help and support is such an easy thing, until it’s not.

What are some reasons why you should ask for help?

1. Wouldn’t it be great if simply by asking for help you are creating brand awareness? When you let others know what you are doing, they are getting to know you and what you do. If you have a great reputation and what you are doing brings value to others, it would only make sense that they would think of you when someone needs what you have to offer. If you don’t ask, the answer is always “NO” …

2. That was good for your brand.  Now, what about building your network. By reaching out to others and getting to know them and letting them get to know you, your network is also growing. No matter where you are in your career, you need a solid network.

3. What about growing your business? When you ask for help and check your ego at the door, people will help you. Those that don’t, you have that magic word NEXT.  Those that do become part of your network, are strategic partners to help grow your business and can become that confidante that you need to feel comfortable enough to share your thoughts with.  Win-win-win…

Those are some basic reasons why you should ask for help. But when is a good time or the right time to ask for help? I’m sure the first thing you thought of is when you are in trouble. You’re not making money or have no clients or when everything seems to be going wrong. While those are good times to ask…you also need the courage to do that. You can also ask for help when things are going great and you want to get to the next level.  It doesn’t always need to be during the gloom and doom you might be experiencing.  Here are some other times when asking for help makes sense:

~When you are just starting out ~When you are entering into a new market ~When you want to grow your audience ~When you are looking for a strategic partner ~When you want a promotion

The bottom line is you can always ask for help. It may take a few times to feel comfortable, but always remember that one of the habits of successful people is that they do ask for help. There are some great reasons to ask for help.  Sooner or later everyone will need to ask for it and then be open to receiving it as well.

1. At some point you will have to do it. It doesn’t matter if you have all the money in the world or have zero, there will come a time when you will have to ask someone for their help. If you aren’t good at it, start small and practice.

2. You won’t be the only one that benefits from the request.  When you share your expertise with someone else, how does that make you feel?  Pretty good when you see their reaction and hear their gratitude.  It will be the same for you and the person you help.  I always say that when you become a mentor, you learn just as much if not more than your mentee.  This is no different.

3. Have you heard the phrase, “walking in their shoes”…If you’ve asked for help and received it and now you have been asked to give help, you will know what it felt like for that person to ask you and how difficult that might have been…who is the winner now?

4. If you never ask for help, do people think you have it going on…even if you don’t? Most of us will struggle now and then and people expect us to be human. You can’t always be perfect and that is too difficult and boring anyway. Here’s an example…when I was taking my insurance exam, there were no classes to take and we didn’t have a computer to do anything online.  My children asked if I needed help and of course I declined after thanking them for the offer. I failed the test by 1 point and my daughter’s comment was “Thank goodness you’re human” …need I say more?

5. When you ask and offer help it creates connections and relationships.  When you need something, these are already in place with people ready to support you. Don’t wait until you are struggling to ask for help.  Don’t celebrate your successes being lonely. Asking for help gives you a reason to be a part of groups, colleagues and friends.  It can be very lonely as an entrepreneur or being in a new position…I think I started with that statement.

Remember…“There is no lack of knowledge out there…just a short of asking for help!”

Happy Selling!

Judy Hoberman www.sellinginaskirt.com

The Barriers We Create In Our Minds

Think about this… I was planning on putting on a telesummit with 25 other women.  I had hand-selected them, had the email invitation to them and was excited to be organizing and facilitating it….until that word creeped into my brain….I’m not big enough or famous enough or smart enough…I even threw in tall enough and told my husband I was cancelling it before I even got started.  He asked me why and I gave him my spiel of the “enough” nonsense.  He looked at me and said, very calmly and lovingly… “Are you nuts?” He continued with “People want to be around you. They trust you and admire you.  They respect who you are and how you are in it for them. Don’t let them down.”  What do you say to that?  I said I would give it until 6:00 and if I have any second thoughts, I’m cancelling it.  So, at 1 minute to 6, I hit send on 25 emails and turned my computer off…. totally.  I couldn’t bear people telling me no and called it a night.  12 hours later, at 6am, I turned my computer on and 24 of the 25 said yes, absolutely, thank you for asking me, honored…. on and on and on. I looked for the 25th and an hour later it also came in with a big yes…she was in Australia and the time difference was the only reason it was late.  I share this story often because no matter who you are, what you represent or why you do what you do….“enough” will creep in and you have to do everything to chase it away…it’s all about those barriers that we have in our minds…are they real or not?

The telesummit was a huge success. The women, the information, the value was such a winning combination. I had created a barrier that could have cancelled everything great and left me with the “oh woe is me syndrome.”  You see I had created barriers that were bigger than my goals and already had the scenario playing out of what would happen if I had decided to go through with this crazy plan. I decided that the only way I was going to use that word enough was to convince myself that enough was clearly enough. All the results I knew in my mind that were going to happen, didn’t and that is usually what happens. We are so sure that whatever we want to do won’t happen in a positive way that we can visualize failure and smell it before it even has a moment to be created. Why do we do that?

There are several things that cause us to lose our confidence and feel like the barriers are closing in.  Here are just a few:

  1. Age-Many times we let our age define us.  Whether we are too young or too old. Sometimes we tell ourselves that and sometimes others tell us what we should and shouldn’t do.  If you want to break down some of those barriers, don’t listen to them.
  2. What Other People Think-No matter what we tell ourselves, we still compare ourselves to others. That is really a waste of time and energy. Why compare yourself to those on social media since they are showing only what they want you to see? Where is that being authentic? Feel good about what you are doing, what you have already done and what you are planning to do. Don’t let anyone take that away from you.
  • Toxic People-Who are you surrounding yourself with? Are they people that you trust and admire? Will they support you to reach your goals? Or…are they energy vampires? I make it a point to release all toxic people from my life. I don’t lose them because they can be found.  I release them so they don’t return.
  • Fear-As I mentioned, we have great imaginations and we tend to create an entire volume of stories that can happen to us…Fortunately they don’t.  Fear is a choice. I encourage my clients to step into the unknown and I always ask, “What’s the worst that can happen?” and follow that up with, “What’s the best that can happen?”
  • Are you living in the past or hoping for the future? We all know that the past is the past and it can’t be changed. However, when you concentrate on the future, you do have the ability to make it something that you are excited to reach…but it’s still not here right now. Being in the present and living in the present let’s others know that you are ready for the opportunities that are in front of you and that you are taking the present for what it is…a gift.

Do you see yourself creating barriers from any of the reasons I mentioned?  Time to talk it out with a coach or mentor or someone you trust and flip your mindset to the positive side, so those barriers are taken down, not built up. The truth is most people are not willing to disregard some of the feelings they have and do what needs to be done to eliminate the barriers. It’s time to understand that when you break through the barriers once, you will realize it was never as bad as you thought it would be.  When your “Why” is strong enough, you will be willing to do the “How” …

Think of it this way…Start Small-We have to practice to get it right. If you’re in sports or play an instrument or anything that you want to become the expert in, you have to practice. You start small and work your way up. The more often you face that barrier and confront it, the more successful you will be and the next time it shows up, you’ll be able to walk right through it.

Then…Trust Yourself-What will it take for you to stop worrying about what others think or what their opinion of you is? When you start to trust yourself, your potential is unlimited. No matter how successful we are, we still second guess ourselves. When I was at a conference, a Queen was in the audience and she told me that every time she has to make a decision that will affect someone’s life, she second guesses herself, so consider yourself in great company. Take time to learn the lessons that life throws your way. These lessons will be critical to your success as you make progress along your journey toward your goals.

Arthur C. Clarke said, “The limits of the possible can only be defined by going beyond them into the impossible.”

Happy Selling!

Judy Hoberman http://www.sellinginaskirt.com