New Chapter – Change is Inevitable, Growth is Optional

Enough Is Enough!

I would bet many of you have watch or were addicted to the Seinfeld show. It was truly based on nothing and yet it was so relevant. One of my favorite things that the cast did was say one word in an assortment of ways. For instance seriously. It could be seriously? As in a question or seriously as in a statement or a dozen other ways to say it all have different meanings. There is another one of those words that has so many different meanings, depending on how you say it or where it fits into a sentence. The word is ENOUGH…are you enough? I’ve had enough, enough already and so one. This one word plays a big role in our lives and sometimes it takes us back to the song “Enough Is Enough”…

So what does enough signify? One way to look at it is that it means no more will be tolerated. Another is being adequate – as much or as good as necessary for some requirement or purpose; fully sufficient, suitable, or fit. Or still another is used to express an impatient desire for the cessation of undesirable behavior or speech.

Let’s see what this all looks like. In business we find many women that are tired of working in an environment that either doesn’t match their values or doesn’t really want her opinion or expertise. She goes to work each day and puts on that professional smile and does her job. One day she goes in and something happens. It doesn’t have to be anything major but she says “ENOUGH…I’m done and out of here. What does she do?

First, go with the feeling but try and tone down the anger. You’ve been bubbling up for a while and now it’s your turn to do something for you.

Then quit worrying about what others may be thinking of you – this is YOUR life. You may have created this scenario in your head a hundred times so keep going and use your frustration to remind you of the great things ahead of you.

Next remember why you are doing what you’re doing. The constant internal battle you’ve had for months is just not worth it. You know it won’t be easy, but you know it will be worth it.

In reality, this is exactly what happened to me. I believe I had a cameo role in the “Mean Girls” movie, every single day. I had a plan in my head of what I was going to say to the President and every single day, there wasn’t the right time to say anything. Until that one day, when I didn’t expect it and he walked up to me and said “You wanted to talk to me”…I wasn’t sure what I was going to say, what anyone was going to think of me or what I was really going to do next. I just knew I had had enough and I blurted out I’m leaving and the rest is history.

How about enough of a relationship? That is also, unfortunately, very common. You are with someone, you think it’s going ok, you tolerate behavior that you probably shouldn’t or there is behavior that you aren’t aware of and BOOM it happens… “I’ve had enough” and before you know it, you are no longer together and trying to pick up the pieces. People think you’re crazy because he’s attractive or takes care of you financially or he’s intelligent. How can you just give up?

The truth is, it’s ok to give up. Sometimes you have to give up in order to allow new things to happen and start over. What may be waiting for you can be the most amazing thing or person, but you won’t know it if you don’t give up. Giving up has always been in the negative mind set but in reality, it doesn’t mean that you are weak. It means you are strong and smart and you can’t possibly move forward with an anchor around your neck. Chances on this person you are done with has been a repeat offender so why do you feel you owe your time to someone who will definitely do this over and over again? Sometimes the best thing for you is also the hardest…walking away.

Then there is also knowing when you’ve done enough and need to end a business. Here is this dream that you created…your baby. Try as you might, it isn’t working or working enough for you. Burn-out is showing up and you don’t know what to do. Here are some signs that burn-out is getting too close for comfort:

You don’t feel creative
Your customers are annoying you
You’re not motivated
You don’t see your dream in front of you any longer
You don’t like talking about your business with anyone

There is also having enough. How do you know when you have enough? That answer is different for everyone. Is it money or investments or real estate or cars or…well you can fill in the blank. When trying to determine if you have enough, ask yourself these two questions: How much money buys happiness? If you’ve already won the game, why are you still playing? Interesting isn’t it?

Finally my all-time favorite and one that most women will agree with… “Am I Enough?” That can be young enough, old enough, pretty enough, smart enough, thin enough, tall enough, short enough, famous enough or almost any description you want to put in there. When did this happen that we question ourselves? When do you outgrow it? It probably began when we were toddlers when we weren’t big enough to hold our own spoon or we weren’t tall enough to go on a ride…as simple and as harmless as that was…well we’ve created our own monsters in the form of self-doubt. Those voices in our head that reminds us that we are not enough are sometimes too loud to overlook. But here are a few ideas to remind you that you are not only enough, you are more than enough. ~What have you done today that you can celebrate? No matter how silly or little it is, celebrate. I go back to when I had my first child and I was going to be the best mom in the world. My house was going to be spotless, my daughter dressed in the cutest outfits and I would be put together like all the moms on TV. Well…that lasted a day or so. My house was clean but not spotless, my daughter cute but in her onesie and me…well my hair was in a pony-tail and I was fortunate if my shirt was clean. But my daughter was hugged and loved and healthy…understand?

~Who are you comparing yourself to and more importantly why? I would look around and think why aren’t I as put together as she was or why didn’t I have all the newest gadgets around and why wasn’t I as smart or whatever I was feeling at the moment. Well guess what? I’m not them and they are not me. I started to realize that I was pretty awesome and I didn’t need to be someone I’m not.

~Get rid of the-if and then. We need to get rid of that because there is no if and then when you love yourself. In order to know you are enough, you have to believe it and that means no conditions. If only I could lose those last 5 pounds then I would look great. Really? I think I looked really great and if I never lost the 5 pounds, I would still look great and if I did, I would still look great. Having conditions is the invitation to allowing “enough” into your head.

Remember, there is a difference between giving up, and knowing when you have had enough. Perhaps when you thought you weren’t good enough the truth was that you were overqualified…

Happy Selling!

Judy Hoberman www.sellinginaskirt.com

Seeking Help Is Empowering!

Asking for help means you aren’t smart enough to do something yourself. Asking for help means that you are weak. Asking for help means you are in the wrong position in business. Have you heard any of those statements before? They seem to follow us generation after generation and decade after decade. It’s time to put a new spin on an old tape… seeking help is empowering.

Whether you are an entrepreneur or starting a new position or recently got promoted, you find there is one thing that rings true…it can be lonely. When you’re in sales, and we all are, it goes one step further because unless you are in front of someone, your emotions go from being on to being…alone. I can remember a full day of appointments and I would be in my car rocking out to some great music and then I was “on” for the first appointment. Back into my car and while the music was still playing, I was listening and humming a bit. Into my next appointment and back “on” …back in my car and…well you get it. You try and fill the empty moments with music or news but in reality, you feel lonely…and it doesn’t matter if you have sold or not, it’s still a lonely profession. Having no one to bounce ideas off in that new role…equally as lonely.

Now imagine you have someone you can reach out to and ask for help or ideas to get you to the next level. Wouldn’t that be great? But…if you did do that, would that person feel like you weren’t sure about what you were doing or that you couldn’t make decisions yourself? Weren’t you told to “fake it till you make it?” Would people think less of you if you showed that you might need their expertise or experience? See how that creeps back into your brain? Asking for help and support is such an easy thing, until it’s not.

What are some reasons why you should ask for help?

1. Wouldn’t it be great if simply by asking for help you are creating brand awareness? When you let others know what you are doing, they are getting to know you and what you do. If you have a great reputation and what you are doing brings value to others, it would only make sense that they would think of you when someone needs what you have to offer. If you don’t ask, the answer is always “NO” …

2. That was good for your brand. Now, what about building your network. By reaching out to others and getting to know them and letting them get to know you, your network is also growing. No matter where you are in your career, you need a solid network.

3. What about growing your business? When you ask for help and check your ego at the door, people will help you. Those that don’t, you have that magic word NEXT. Those that do become part of your network, are strategic partners to help grow your business and can become that confidante that you need to feel comfortable enough to share your thoughts with. Win-win-win…

Those are some basic reasons why you should ask for help. But when is a good time or the right time to ask for help? I’m sure the first thing you thought of is when you are in trouble. You’re not making money or have no clients or when everything seems to be going wrong. While those are good times to ask…you also need the courage to do that. You can also ask for help when things are going great and you want to get to the next level. It doesn’t always need to be during the gloom and doom you might be experiencing. Here are some other times when asking for help makes sense:

~When you are just starting out ~When you are entering into a new market ~When you want to grow your audience ~When you are looking for a strategic partner ~When you want a promotion

The bottom line is you can always ask for help. It may take a few times to feel comfortable, but always remember that one of the habits of successful people is that they do ask for help. There are some great reasons to ask for help. Sooner or later everyone will need to ask for it and then be open to receiving it as well.

1. At some point you will have to do it. It doesn’t matter if you have all the money in the world or have zero, there will come a time when you will have to ask someone for their help. If you aren’t good at it, start small and practice.

2. You won’t be the only one that benefits from the request. When you share your expertise with someone else, how does that make you feel? Pretty good when you see their reaction and hear their gratitude. It will be the same for you and the person you help. I always say that when you become a mentor, you learn just as much if not more than your mentee. This is no different.

3. Have you heard the phrase, “walking in their shoes”…If you’ve asked for help and received it and now you have been asked to give help, you will know what it felt like for that person to ask you and how difficult that might have been…who is the winner now?

4. If you never ask for help, do people think you have it going on…even if you don’t? Most of us will struggle now and then and people expect us to be human. You can’t always be perfect and that is too difficult and boring anyway. Here’s an example…when I was taking my insurance exam, there were no classes to take and we didn’t have a computer to do anything online. My children asked if I needed help and of course I declined after thanking them for the offer. I failed the test by 1 point and my daughter’s comment was “Thank goodness you’re human” …need I say more?

5. When you ask and offer help it creates connections and relationships. When you need something, these are already in place with people ready to support you. Don’t wait until you are struggling to ask for help. Don’t celebrate your successes being lonely. Asking for help gives you a reason to be a part of groups, colleagues and friends. It can be very lonely as an entrepreneur or being in a new position…I think I started with that statement.

Remember…“There is no lack of knowledge out there…just a short of asking for help!”

Happy Selling!

Judy Hoberman www.sellinginaskirt.com

Wake Up And Smell The Coffee!

In the early 1990s, I found myself as a single mom with two amazing children, I had just lost my mom and was recently divorced. It was a lot to handle and I had to figure out my next steps. I answered an ad in the newspaper…yes, a real newspaper with a classified section. I found an ad that caught my eye. It said “Wake Up And Smell The Coffee” …I had no idea what it meant so I kept on reading. Something about helping others feel protected. I didn’t understand what that had to do with coffee but since I wasn’t and still have never had a sip of coffee, I thought it might reveal itself somehow. So, I called…yes that’s what we did back then…and I got an appointment. When I arrived, the person I was supposed to meet with was busy, so they were going to shift me over to someone else. I reminded them my appointment was with the Agency Manager and I would wait. I do believe that’s where I started seeing rolling of the eyes towards me. He was finally finished with his call and ushered me in. I was EXACTLY what he was looking for…I didn’t know it then, but I was the only female that had applied and the only one, other than the receptionist in the office.

Fast forward I was offered a position to be a producer in Insurance…still didn’t see the connection to the ad and didn’t know anything about insurance including that I had to get licensed. There were no on-line classes and the in-person classes had already started. I would have to wait 4 weeks. Did I say I was a single mom? So, I decided to study myself and finally realized that in order to read this very boring book, I would probably need to drink coffee to stay awake…that must be the connection. No coffee for me, but I studied hard and went to take the test and…I failed by one point. I went directly to the office and started to cry. I wasn’t smart enough or ready for this kind of position. The receptionist said “Put on your big girl panties and get over yourself. You can do this. Reschedule your exam and pass it.” So, I did, and I passed.

Now I have this position that was 100% commission and even though I passed my exam, it still took weeks to get my license. I started making calls and getting appointments and going with a licensed agent who would do the presentation and write the application. Even though I felt like the appointment setter, I learned so much and knew what I would do and what I definitely would not do when I was ready to go.

My license finally came through and I was ready. What I wasn’t ready for was my attitude. Every morning I would take my children to school and then complain about how far I had to drive or wonder if I would even write this family and when I would start earning commission. I wanted to quit every day, sometimes multiple times a day, mostly all day. Once I got to someone’s home or office, I was absolutely fine. I loved being able to serve my clients and walked in as if they were already my clients. I asked lots of questions and I listened well. I wrote a good amount of the business…but it was like ground-hog day. Same thing almost every day for the first few weeks.

One morning, I was getting everybody ready and I looked at my kids and smiled at how amazing they are and how important they are to me…and it hit me. My one and only job in this entire world was to protect my family. If I could do that for them, why couldn’t I do that for other families? And it was as if that lightbulb that you see in cartoons appeared above my head. I dropped my children off and instead of complaining, I reminded myself that I had the privilege of protecting families today and everything was different. My mindset shifted, and I created a different path for myself and my business took off.

That was the day I discovered the relationship between smelling the coffee and my career. It was the day that I knew I had to be Intentional about everything I would do. It was the day I decided that I was excited about insurance and that in itself is an oxymoron…and it’s true.

Happy Selling!

Judy Hoberman http://www.sellinginaskirt.com

The Barriers We Create In Our Minds

Think about this… I was planning on putting on a telesummit with 25 other women. I had hand-selected them, had the email invitation to them and was excited to be organizing and facilitating it….until that word creeped into my brain….I’m not big enough or famous enough or smart enough…I even threw in tall enough and told my husband I was cancelling it before I even got started. He asked me why and I gave him my spiel of the “enough” nonsense. He looked at me and said, very calmly and lovingly… “Are you nuts?” He continued with “People want to be around you. They trust you and admire you. They respect who you are and how you are in it for them. Don’t let them down.” What do you say to that? I said I would give it until 6:00 and if I have any second thoughts, I’m cancelling it. So, at 1 minute to 6, I hit send on 25 emails and turned my computer off…. totally. I couldn’t bear people telling me no and called it a night. 12 hours later, at 6am, I turned my computer on and 24 of the 25 said yes, absolutely, thank you for asking me, honored…. on and on and on. I looked for the 25th and an hour later it also came in with a big yes…she was in Australia and the time difference was the only reason it was late. I share this story often because no matter who you are, what you represent or why you do what you do….“enough” will creep in and you have to do everything to chase it away…it’s all about those barriers that we have in our minds…are they real or not?

The telesummit was a huge success. The women, the information, the value was such a winning combination. I had created a barrier that could have cancelled everything great and left me with the “oh woe is me syndrome.” You see I had created barriers that were bigger than my goals and already had the scenario playing out of what would happen if I had decided to go through with this crazy plan. I decided that the only way I was going to use that word enough was to convince myself that enough was clearly enough. All the results I knew in my mind that were going to happen, didn’t and that is usually what happens. We are so sure that whatever we want to do won’t happen in a positive way that we can visualize failure and smell it before it even has a moment to be created. Why do we do that?

There are several things that cause us to lose our confidence and feel like the barriers are closing in. Here are just a few:

Age-Many times we let our age define us. Whether we are too young or too old. Sometimes we tell ourselves that and sometimes others tell us what we should and shouldn’t do. If you want to break down some of those barriers, don’t listen to them.
What Other People Think-No matter what we tell ourselves, we still compare ourselves to others. That is really a waste of time and energy. Why compare yourself to those on social media since they are showing only what they want you to see? Where is that being authentic? Feel good about what you are doing, what you have already done and what you are planning to do. Don’t let anyone take that away from you.

Toxic People-Who are you surrounding yourself with? Are they people that you trust and admire? Will they support you to reach your goals? Or…are they energy vampires? I make it a point to release all toxic people from my life. I don’t lose them because they can be found. I release them so they don’t return.
Fear-As I mentioned, we have great imaginations and we tend to create an entire volume of stories that can happen to us…Fortunately they don’t. Fear is a choice. I encourage my clients to step into the unknown and I always ask, “What’s the worst that can happen?” and follow that up with, “What’s the best that can happen?”
Are you living in the past or hoping for the future? We all know that the past is the past and it can’t be changed. However, when you concentrate on the future, you do have the ability to make it something that you are excited to reach…but it’s still not here right now. Being in the present and living in the present let’s others know that you are ready for the opportunities that are in front of you and that you are taking the present for what it is…a gift.

Do you see yourself creating barriers from any of the reasons I mentioned? Time to talk it out with a coach or mentor or someone you trust and flip your mindset to the positive side, so those barriers are taken down, not built up. The truth is most people are not willing to disregard some of the feelings they have and do what needs to be done to eliminate the barriers. It’s time to understand that when you break through the barriers once, you will realize it was never as bad as you thought it would be. When your “Why” is strong enough, you will be willing to do the “How” …

Think of it this way…Start Small-We have to practice to get it right. If you’re in sports or play an instrument or anything that you want to become the expert in, you have to practice. You start small and work your way up. The more often you face that barrier and confront it, the more successful you will be and the next time it shows up, you’ll be able to walk right through it.

Then…Trust Yourself-What will it take for you to stop worrying about what others think or what their opinion of you is? When you start to trust yourself, your potential is unlimited. No matter how successful we are, we still second guess ourselves. When I was at a conference, a Queen was in the audience and she told me that every time she has to make a decision that will affect someone’s life, she second guesses herself, so consider yourself in great company. Take time to learn the lessons that life throws your way. These lessons will be critical to your success as you make progress along your journey toward your goals.

Arthur C. Clarke said, “The limits of the possible can only be defined by going beyond them into the impossible.”

Happy Selling!

Judy Hoberman http://www.sellinginaskirt.com

The Power To Change

In 2009, I knew I wasn’t in the right place. I tried to make myself fit in. Since I’ve always felt like a square peg in a round hole for most of my life, this wasn’t a new sensation. But something was different. I was looking for a sign or an opportunity or someone to tell me it was time to move along, but no message was coming through. An email ended up in my inbox. It’s the kind of email that you delete because it is so long and it’s from someone you don’t know and why waste your time wasting your time? For some reason, I did read it and it was about an event that was going to take place in a few weeks in MD. I called my sister-in-law and told her about it, and we decided to meet in MD and if the conference wasn’t anything we wanted to hear, we would spend the weekend together and catch up. She lived in NJ and I lived in TX.

We met there and something happened. The woman on stage was speaking directly to me. She was saying things I had only said to myself. She was the voice, the message and the opportunity to do something…and I did. The next Monday I went back to my office, I handed in my resignation and I finally took control of my life…I had the power to change.

Change is inevitable. Sometimes change is forced upon us, while other times we initiate it. How skilled are you at handling the need to shift course, whether it is brought on by external or internal forces? How do you tend to feel when you step outside your comfort zone? Exhilarated? Terrified? Lost? Remember, comfort zones are relative. Every time you step into uncharted territory, sooner or later you will find some degree of comfort there. Do not settle too deeply into this new comfort zone, as it may soon be time to step out again.

When you are in a leadership position, others look to you for cues as to how they, too, might manage shifting tides and forge bravely ahead. Here are some of the benefits of change:

Personal growth-Every time something changes, you have the opportunity to grow and learn not only about “things” but also about yourself.

Flexibility-Change forces us to be flexible. You must bend and shift to meet new circumstances.

Situations improve-It may not look that way at first, but it is up to you to optimize the situation. You probably did not choose to be worse off than before—at least not for the long haul. So, whether the change was made by you, to you, or for you, get your big girl panties on and make improvements in your life.

Your core values are tested and strengthened-No matter what comes your way, your core values are what define you, so look at change as a way to reinforce those values.

You will become stronger-We all know the adage, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” I have found this to be true in my life. I also have learned that being stronger sometimes means asking for help.

Opportunities will appear-They may be what you had hoped for, or they may be things you never previously considered. Be open and remain curious about what opportunities this change will bring.

While change can be difficult, not changing can be fatal. We probably all can name now-defunct businesses that did not adapt to the times or to changes in consumer preferences. This applies as much to people as it does to companies. I remember my father was a jeweler. He crafted very expensive pieces and during the recession in the 80’s, we all suggested that he bring in some less expensive pieces. They could still be unique, but they weren’t going to cost a small fortune. He was adamant that he didn’t need to change, and you know the saying, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. I mentioned that perhaps we could bring in some local designers, some new ones that were starting out and had great promise. Again, he declined, and we stopped trying to show him how change could be powerful. In the end, his store closed, and he blamed everything except the power that he had to change. BTW, the designer that I had spoken to that was just starting out…David Yurman.

We are all going through a time where it seems everything is changing. The way you do business. The way you connect. The way you say hello. The way you take care of yourself. While you feel like nothing is the same, you are probably being pushed outside your comfort zone. It’s time for you to understand and then…accept change and be brilliant.

Start with baby steps. While some of our changes were thrown to us without any warning, remember that Rome wasn’t built in a day. Start with one step, then add another. Do not try to change everything at once. You will become overwhelmed, and when that happens, nothing else happens. Prioritize what needs to get done and start there. When you complete one baby step, go for another one. Do not forget to take a moment and congratulate yourself on a job well done. Throw in a reward or two and watch how quickly you move through your list.

Get support. Do not do it alone. Surround yourself with positive people who can provide experience, wisdom, and connections. They too are navigating these choppy waters. While you are asking for help, they are also receiving some from you.

Going back to the phrase “Change is Inevitable…let’s add on Growth is Optional.” Your reaction, attitude and behavior to change is in your hands. Remember…you have the power to change.

An old English proverb sums it all up, “Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.”

To add levity while applying these needed course corrections, I like to declare, “Plot twist!” A little humor goes a long way.

Happy Selling!

Judy Hoberman http://www.sellinginaskirt.com

Working Remotely…Are You Prepared?

Other than 2 years of my career, I have always been an entrepreneur working from home. Yes, I’ve gone to an office, facilitated training in an office, recruited in an office and had team meetings in an office…but the majority of my time, was working from home. I don’t remember if anyone gave me a manual of what to expect, but I did notice pros and cons of working from home. In today’s environment, many people have had no time to prepare or even think about getting ready for change. You were in an office one day and the next, you’re remote.

I was thinking about how this new way of working will affect so many people and wanted to share some thoughts of my experiences with the hope that it may make this new journey easier and perhaps even have some fun with it.

Mark your territory. This is easy if you have an empty room or spare bedroom. In many cases, you will need to adopt some space and call it your own. When we started in the insurance world, so many grabbed the kitchen or dining room table and decided this was their new office. Kind of reminds me of those that declare their table at the coffee shop as their own. I was once asked to move from a certain table in a certain coffee shop because this man said it was “his” …I didn’t see a nameplate but I knew it made him comfortable, so I moved to another table.

If you are in a place that others will be using, you will need to make sure that your “office” can be moved to another area during family and mealtimes. If you are in an industry where there is any confidential and personal information, make sure that is not out in the open for anyone to see. My kids were always part of my business. While I did have an office in my home, Saturday nights you would find the three of us sitting on my bed doing direct mail pieces together. They knew that they were a part of my business and were proud to see the results.

Do Not Disturb-Again, not always the easiest to accomplish. If your family, spouse or roommate is home while you are working, remind them that you are doing just that…working. It’s not the time to chat or have conversations about solving the problems of the world. You wouldn’t do that if you were in an office, so why now? We had an agent who was a single dad with small children. Many of you will remember that as soon as you picked up the phone, real phones not smart phones, it was an invitation to start an argument, have a burning question or just need your undivided attention at that moment. There is nothing more “professional” than being on the phone with a client when your children picked up the phone in another room yelling “Daddy, daddy, daddy.” While some clients understood…others did not. This agent came up with a brilliant idea. He had a ball cap. When it was on, he was working. When it was off, he was daddy. Other than an emergency (in the insurance world that meant blood or bones), his little ones were quiet and whispered to each other. It was a simple and effective way to work.

Give Me A Break-Do you take breaks when you are in the office? Then why not at home? Many times, it’s hard to get started and then, it’s hard to stop. When you work from home, you either become the King or Queen workaholic or the Guru or Maven of taking breaks. Think of something in the middle. When you are working, you should be working, not getting prepared to possibly start at some later point in the last hour of the day. Ok so that’s a bit of an exaggeration but you need to prepare yourself to work and to stop. I’m not sure if you’re familiar with the Pomodoro Technique. The technique uses a timer to break down work into intervals, traditionally 25 minutes in length, separated by short breaks. It is a time management system that encourages people to work with the time they have—rather than against it. Work 25 minutes and then take a break for 5 minutes. You must work in those 25 minutes and walk away from it for 5 minutes. Imagine how productive you can be.

Can You Just…-While you are working from home, if there is anyone else that lives with you, you will certainly hear something like “While you are home, can you just start dinner, do the laundry, call the repair person, run to the store etc.” Remember, you are working, so your mindset needs to be that you are working. It’s always nice to lend a helping hand…after you’re done working. If there are no humans living with you, unless you’re on your 5-minute break or having lunch, your furry friend will need to stay put and not learn a new frisbee trick.

Let’s Do Lunch-Even though you are not in an office, you need to take a lunch break. Yes, this is the time to do those non-working tasks. It’s also the time to walk away from your work, have something nutritious, delicious and yummy to break up the day. Once in awhile you might have a virtual working lunch, but really try to claim this time for yourself.

While working from home will take a little getting used to, also be aware that it can feel a bit lonely. Rest assured there are many others feeling the same way. With technology, you can have a meeting with your office mates, “see” your clients and create educational sessions to share your brilliance.

Things change quicker than you can imagine. If you don’t change, you will be left behind. Old ways won’t open new doors. Change is inevitable…Growth is optional. Will you shine or will you let your light dim?

If you need a pep talk, an ear to listen or an accountability chat, reach out. I’m here to listen, support and encourage.

Happy Selling!

Judy Hoberman http://www.sellinginaskirt.com

The Keys To Confidence?

Recently I have been speaking to companies, corporations, Associations and individuals about a topic that had not been one that we would publicly speak about. No it’s not sex, drugs, religion or any of the taboo topics. It’s one that until now, many of us hid…and did it quite well. The topic is CONFIDENCE and it’s something that many of us struggle with… and many more of us deny we have trouble with.

This morning I was glancing through a magazine that caught my eye. In the middle of the cover was an article called “The Keys To Confidence”…you can bet I started to thumb through it and hopefully find even more data for this new awareness of this old struggle. I was completely disappointed as the entire magazine was about losing weight, plastic surgery, dental procedures, eye lifting, butt enhancing and the list goes on. Where will I kind the Keys to Confidence in any of these featured stories and ads? Perhaps it should be called “Where Did I Lose My Keys To Confidence” instead.

What are we doing to ourselves, our daughters, our granddaughters? What about our husbands and sons and grandsons? This issue of the magazine was about gifts to give for the holidays. If your husband came home with a gift certificate for weight loss, I would bet you could release 180 pounds or so by tossing him out the door? All kidding aside, we are not creating happiness or joy or gratitude or confidence or loving ourselves when we read these magazines. As we get older should we hide the fact that we have lived decades and have the amazing life changes in our faces and bodies to prove it? The children you brought in to the world, the bonus children you inherited by choice, the places you’ve visited, the lives you’ve changed…certainly that accounts for something…doesn’t it?

Today I am without internet service. Who knows why and who knows when it will return. Instead of pouting and doing nothing, I decided to pick up some of the magazines I had put in a pile to read and pull out articles that I could use about programs I want to write and add to. I guess this magazine was not the right one to start with except it gave me a reason to write a blog post.

It’s time to be kind again. Kind to each other, kind to strangers, kind to those that need our help, kind to our friends, kind to our family but most of all…kind to ourselves. Confidence doesn’t mean photo shopping ourselves to look like a model. It doesn’t mean we look beautiful only after we have plastic surgery or lose weight. It means we look in the mirror and love who is looking back. Susan Sarandon said it best, “I look forward to being older, when what you look like becomes less and less and issue and what you are is the point.”

Go ahead, take a good long look. I don’t know about you but the person you are seeing has the “Keys To Confidence” that you are looking for.

The Value Of Coaching

When I started my company in 2009, one of the first things I did was to understand what I didn’t know how to do. I loved people, I could sell, I wanted to make a difference and always wanted to bring value. All sounds great so far right? What I didn’t really know how to do was to create a company or a business that would support me in loving people, selling, making a difference and bringing value.

So the first step was knowing what I needed and then realizing I didn’t know what I didn’t know and that is where my business coach came in. She sat me down and asked me a lot of questions, listened to my goals or dreams and together we worked together to put that in place. Again, sounds great so far right? Here’s the REAL truth. You have to know how to listen to your coach. They have the experience and expertise. If you had an athletic coach who told you to hit the ball or kick the ball or catch the ball or whatever with the ball and you thought you knew better, where do you think that would end up? Ok not much different with a business coach.

Everything she told me to do made perfect sense, however, I already knew that, already tried that and was already to dismiss that. Let me just say that if you asked me what type of person I don’t ever want to coach…it would be the ones that say I’ve done that already, I’ve tried that already and the rest of that nonsense. During one of my sessions, it was decided that I would write a book. It wasn’t necessarily my decision as it was never on my radar, but my coach suggested that since I had 30 years of “stuff” in my head, why not organize it and share it with others. I finally agreed and she told me to have an outline, not the book itself, just an outline completed by a certain date. I sheepishly agreed and didn’t really give it another thought. Remember, I knew better…The date came and we were having a session and towards the end she asked me to show her the outline. It was not completed or really, it was not even started. She was less than happy but very professional. She didn’t say what she probably wanted to say but she did say this… “Let’s get in the car and drive for a few minutes. Then let’s open the windows and throw all your money out, roll up the windows and leave.” I thought she had lost her mind and then she finished with “Why are you paying me all this money when you don’t do any of the work? How will your business ever get off the ground? How will people know who you are? How will you ever make a difference or bring value?” That was the day I realized how important a coach really is.

The truth is that coaching helps people focus on the things that are contributing to their being stuck, and then move beyond them. I knew I was stuck in a place that I didn’t recognize and I needed someone who knew better than I did and who was totally objective to move me along. Harvey Mackay said, “Athletes and actors have long hired coaches to help prepare for a specific competition or role. But they aren’t the only ones who can benefit from expert advice. Coaches are available to help people in any field improve their “game.” You see will all need to improve our game…no matter what field that is in.

There are so many reasons to have a coach for your business. Ever think about what qualities you should look for? I put together a Slide Share about this topic. Here are the highlights and you can go to slideshare.net- 15 Qualities You Should Look For In A Business Coach. You can check it out at https://www.slideshare.net/JHoberman/15-qualities-you-should-look-for-in-a-business-coach. The highlights are below:

FRIENDSHIP Builds a Mutual Relationship based on mutual respect. Look for someone who uses respectful dialogue. This could turn into a life-long friendship. Even though this begins as a business relationship, in order to be truly effective, it generally goes beyond that phase because the coach learns as much from the client as the client learns from the coach.
TRUST Not everyone in today’s society has a trusted advisor they can count on. Many people have ulterior motives when they are asked to help someone else. A great coach is someone you can trust and has true interest in your success and reaching your self-declared goals.
LISTEN A great coach really understands good listening is often taken for granted. The very best conversations and relationships involve our intentional listening- listening to learn, with a clear and quiet mind, not just waiting for our turn to speak. Listening is a great coach’s gift to their client!
INSPIRE A great coach helps create a vision and helps describe it. They will understand your passion and continues to inspire you by reminding you of your original passion and purpose.
EXPERIENCE A great coach should have years of experience and speaks your language. Their experience should not only bring an understanding in business, but more importantly, experience with people.
GOALS Many times goals are set too low requiring minimal effort to reach them, or too high where it becomes unrealistic to reach them. A great coach helps you set realistic goals that are achievable but requires effort to reach them.
MOTIVATION What drives you? What are you looking to achieve? It’s easy to be derailed when your goals aren’t reached quickly enough. A great coach defines your goals and breaks them down into small steps so that you can see successes along the way.
ORGANIZED A great coach provides organization & simplification. They help order thoughts and gives a formula for success and help develop a process to achieve whatever you want to accomplish. A great coach customizes the process to align with your needs.
CHALLENGE A great coach identifies challenges. Including ones that you may not even see which can prepare you for a smoother outcome. Remember, you don’t know what you don’t know!
PATH A great coach develops solutions. They help develop a path out of the challenges at hand. A road map that runs interference and provides a clear path to achieve your vision.
EXPECTATIONS A great coach is someone who helps guide expectations. They help you to understand your own expectations which tend to be influenced many times with over optimism. Reasonable expectations with early successes, victories and important milestones reached will take away the discouragement many find while navigating a difficult path.
GROWTH A great coach ensures your growth by challenging you. They move you out of your comfort zone with necessary steps and actions to achieve your goals and create scenarios and opportunities for you to be well rounded.
MEASURE A great coach evaluates your performance. They develop a process that measures your performance. Constantly evaluating your performance with real time feedback gives you the opportunity to learn and trains you to solve your own challenges with a set of effective tools.
ACCOUNTABLE A great coach is an accountability partner. For your self-declared goals, a coach will provide constructive feedback so that you can achieve what you set out to do. You are less likely to hold yourself fully accountable if you don’t share your goals with someone that is a trusted and objective partner.
SUPPORT A great coach is supportive. They are always there for support even when there may not be anyone else that can see, believes in, or supports your vision.

Remember, Coaching is the universal language of change and learning.

Business Or Expensive Hobby

Here’s the scenario…you decide you have something that will solve a solution for others. You’ve researched the market through surveys, focus groups and lots of connections. This is what you’ve been put here to do and so now you do as Nike as reminded you for decades and you “Just Do It” and voila you have a business…or do you? So-Is it a business or a hobby?

Let’s think about this…like almost anything else, the beginning of something can dictate how it will be in the future. If you’re in a relationship and the beginning is not good, you might be given a bird’s eye view of what it will be going forward. If you have a client that is less than desirable, you will probably see what that relationship will be for you. The truth is that this phase of your business SHOULD be the most exciting on one hand because rest assured, on the other hand it can also be the one that will try your patience at every turn. There will be people, even those closest to you, that will tell you that you are crazy for doing this while others have no idea how you can be so courageous. You’ll have times that you look at something that you’ve created or written and smile and know that is exactly what you were aiming for and then…you have to scrap it because it really isn’t solving a problem…only one that you are creating. And then there are those times when you are ready to just throw your hands up because this is NOT what you bargained for. So using my first thought, if the beginning isn’t good, should you just move along? To this I say No!

We’ve heard that if you have passion and heart that you can start your own business and be successful; you know “Do what you love and the money will follow”…unfortunately business doesn’t really follow that. What you want to determine is if you have a business or really only have an expensive hobby. You’re an incredible baker, but is that passion and skill enough for the million-dollar business you have in your head? Right look at Debbie Fields…the truth is she had a lot more than just a great cookie.

Here are some questions you need to ask yourself before you jump into the world of entrepreneurship that might give you a chance to succeed instead of hitting head first into a wall…and by the way, these were the questions that I asked myself:

What do I do?
How do I do it?
What will bring in revenue?
How do I decide what I want to be when I grow up?

My self-doubt was at an all-time high. In my case, I found a business coach who helped lead me on the right and best path. I made so many mistakes that most of us make and made so many that I even wrote a book about it “Famous Isn’t Enough: Earning Your Fortune As An Entrepreneur” I believed if I could save another excited entrepreneur some time and money, that would be perfect. Of course some of you will make the same mistakes or detours that I’ve made and that’s ok because sometimes you have to experience something yourself to truly understand. Just make sure you learn the lesson so you can share your wisdom with other budding entrepreneurs down the road.

The sad reality is that nine out of ten startups will fail. While this sounds like the end is near, if you work hard, stay focused and listen to those that have been there done that, your chances of success are greater

For those of you that would like some steps to take to be in the 10% success group rather than the 90% that aren’t, here you go:

Do Your Research-While your mom and BFF will be true supporters of your newest venture, it’s probably better to do some of your own research. You can do this in person, via surveys or on social media. Make sure you do a wide enough circle of people so that you get true readings.
Build Your Audience First-Ok you’re off…but there is no one there to receive what you are offering. If you are doing a launch and only 3 people show up, you will be frustrated but you will also realize how important it is to build your audience first. Start sharing content that is directly related to what you will be offering and make sure it is valuable and exciting. Don’t believe what some say that you should hold your best information and content for paying clients. How and why would people want to work with you if the only thing you are sharing is fluff? When you share and give right from the beginning you are letting others know that is your M.O. and to stay tuned for more of where that came from.
Never Stop Learning-We all want to be known as the thought leaders in our circles. However, even if you own that title, you should always continue in the learning process. Reach out to those that are in your space or way beyond your space and ask…If you never ask the answer is always no. Also always remember not to hoard your experience and expertise. Remember those budding entrepreneurs that are ready to learn? Share with them. You too should be one of those because if you are the smartest in the room, you are in the wrong room.
Don’t Be Afraid Of Technology-there are so many tools out there that can shorten your learning curve or enhance your offerings. If you are not tech-savvy, find someone who is. Maybe there is something you can barter that they need until you can both share financially. But, if that isn’t the case, technology challenges can cause you to be behind the 8-ball so find a way to stay as current as possible. There are so many tools that are free to use…and I bet that YouTube has a tutorial on that. When you are ready to add to your team, someone with strengths in technology would be one of the first to add.
Think About Revenue From The Beginning-Some entrepreneurs are lucky enough to have investors that will help finance their businesses. Most of us are not that fortunate. Either way, have to think about “Show Me The Money” from the beginning. What is your cash flow? How will you pay your bills without dipping into your personal funds? You want your business to grow and like it or not, money is part of that. Be part of the 10% not the 90% of businesses that succeed.

Michael Dell said, “Ideas are a commodity. Execution of them is not.”

Getting Your Message Out

When you start a new business, one of the first things you do is to create a product or service that is ideal for your target market. You set the price, you have the features and benefits and you are ready to rock and roll. Until you realize that you don’t know how to let your target market know that you have the solution that they need. It’s like having to ends pulling in opposite directions…you have what they need and they need what you have…so what’s next?

When I first started my company in 2009, I did not know one person in Dallas, other than the people that worked in the company I just resigned from…not necessarily the best people to share my message with. I had to figure out how I could let people know what I was doing, why I was doing it and with whom I wanted to share it with. So of course we always go back to basics and that is identifying your target market. Ok that’s done…now what? I could call everyone I knew and let them know but… I just finished saying I didn’t know anyone in Dallas and thought I should start with a model close to home first. My first option was to network and meet people…and I did…lots of people of course I networked anywhere and everywhere and 90% of the people I met were not my ideal target…but I did meet people and they did know people so that was working somewhat.

I also hired a business coach and of course, since I knew better, I didn’t really listen to all her brilliant suggestions…until she called me out and asked why didn’t I just roll down my windows in my car and throw money out of them since that’s what I was basically doing with my coaching sessions. She would suggest, I would resist. She would suggest, I would ignore. It was a wonderful cha cha…and that did continue for a bit until I was not seeing anyone want to do anything with me or my business and couldn’t understand why. So I asked my coach and she laughed and said ok now are you ready to listen?

She told me I needed to do two things to share my message in a wider circle but not stop doing the things I was already doing. You have to build wide not high to spread your name. So along with all the things I was actively doing in Dallas like networking and doing 1:1 connections, writing articles etc. I also decided to add speaking to my activities. Of course I wasn’t going to be able to demand big speaker fees since no one knew me, I had to keep my eyes on the goal…getting my name out. I started speaking at every Chamber, Rotary, Women’s organizations and any place that would have me. Each time I spoke, I not only met people but I also perfected my talk so that it was more focused, relevant and valuable to the audience.

The other thing my coach told me to do, was to write a book…that was NEVER on my radar and again our dance continued until I finally cried “Uncle” and promised to give it a shot. It took me about 6 months to write the book and the first printing of 750 books was delivered to me at a conference where I was the keynote speaker on a stage of almost all men, to a group of almost 4,000. The books sold out and I had people ordering them online and it was awesome.

Now, when you ask people about Judy Hoberman, many know me. When you ask about Selling In A Skirt…most know my company and my message. A lot of time and hard work was needed…of course had I listened sooner, who knows how much time might have been cut out of the equation.

So what are some ways to get your business and your name known? Well, for starters I would try to get myself entrenched locally…again, use it as a template and see what works or doesn’t instead of jumping on a plane only to realize, you should have tried it locally first. Here are a few suggestions…

It’s all about relationships. Whether it’s with business owners, CEOs, Presidents of companies or other entrepreneurs…build the relationship before you need it. I realize you need it now, but not with everyone at the same time. While you’re at it, start developing relationships with local reporters. Do you know how valuable you can be to a reporter? You are a new business, or an existing one. You are in the community and you might have some valuable insight into a story they are working on. Or perhaps you can bring a story to them. Trust me, reporters look for people that have a story that is interesting or intriguing and….most importantly show up. Once you do, and they know they can count on you…you become a favorite. I am on a radio show in Oregon every month as a business contributor. Why? Because we talk about things that are interesting to HIS audience.
How about local newspapers or magazines? Why not be a contributor there? Any idea what happens when you are published? You are now the expert in your space and you can become a regular contributor. Once you get one article published, you can use that as a resource for others.
Ever thought about winning an award or being on a local list? You know the newspapers and magazines I just mentioned? They run contests, awards and produce lists of the best of the best…if you don’t have anyone to nominate your business, do it yourself. Remember, the goal is to get your name out there so find an award or list that reflects your area of expertise. I was recently named Mentor of the Year from The Women of Visionary Influence here in Dallas. I was nominated without me even knowing about it and was truly honored.
Network with intention. Yes, you can go to every event and meet lots of people and yes those people know people but…it might be a better move to network with your target audience or your strategic partners. I would rather have 5 qualified networking events a month than one a day that is truly non-productive. Can I just say, been there, done that and bought the T-shirt…many times over?
Relationships are not just with people that you are hoping will share your name and brand. They should also be with your clients. Think about what a happy client will do. They will give you referrals and testimonials. They will keep coming back and bringing their friends. They will want everyone to have the same incredible experience with your company as they did. This does not happen the first time you do something great and they buy something from you. That is the beginning. The follow-up is the most important part of the sale. Many times clients will be excited to be at the ground-floor with a new business. You get to let them in on what’s coming next and when they know you are trying to build your company, depending on the experience they have had with you, they will either help you or go running into the hills. Let them know that you are there for the long-haul and nurture those relationships.

Remember, the customer’s perspective is your reality.